忘れられない夏
そもそも忘れようと思ったこともない。今まで忘れなかったからこれからも忘れないなんてナイーブに言えるくらい、それくらい大事な時間。
１９９８年８月
高校３年の夏。入会したばかりのＺ会の教材を目の前の机の上に置きながら、甲子園の野球中継を見ていた。全国大会、僕も行きたかった。５月のインターハイ県予選、７月の国体最終予選、やっぱり優勝は難しい。柔道は県で優勝しないと全国大会に行けなくて、結局僕は中高の６年間で一度も全国大会に出られなかった。それは勿論、大多数のスポーツやってる高校生はそうなんだろうけど、真剣に取り組んだ分だけは悔しく感じる資格があると思っていた。僕はとても悔しかったし、テレビの中で野球やっている同い年の奴らが羨ましかった。
同じ年の初めには市川が１７歳でフランス大会の一次メンバーになって、能代の田臥は高校三冠を取りＮＢＡに行きたいって言って、もう少し経てば棟田も鈴木とかも世界選手権で優勝するし、朝青龍だって横綱になってるし、同い年にはとにかくすごいヤツらがたくさん。野球やってる奴らは、地元の強打者古木、多分昔はピッチャーだった村田、ノーヒットノーランした杉内、上重、寺本、名前がカッコいい新垣渚、名前がそのままの藤川球児、他にも他にも、更にそいつらを全て撃破した松坂大輔。そう、松坂世代、そんな言い方されてたなあ。
甲子園。ベスト８、準決勝、松坂がカッコいい。延長１７回とか、やたらカッコいい。松坂が出ると逆転する。決勝。ノーヒットノーランで決勝戦に勝つ。最強。将来はメジャーリーグに行きたいなんて言ってやがる。説得力あるじゃんか。同い年なのに。
何かカッコ悪いなあー、僕。同い年なのに。
迷い
大学進学、どうしよう。
目標がはっきり定まらない。周りの雰囲気に流されて学部を決めてしまうことになりそうな自分を心配していた。多分、僕はその頃自分が医学部に進学するのではないかと思ってた。人を助けるのは良い事だし、やりがいのある仕事だろうし、人に喜んでもらえれば嬉しいし、だから医者になるのは悪い選択ではないって思ってた。それはそうなんだろうけど、だけど、それは自分の考えだったのか、自分の考えだと思い込んでいたのか。
また、松坂が言ってる。メジャーに行きたいって。
松坂がカッコ良かったのは、将来の目標がはっきりしていて、それに迷いがなく、さらにその目標に着実に進んでいるように見えたから。僕がカッコ悪く思えたのは、将来の目標が定まっていなくて、それ故に何も行動に移せなくて、そんな状況が情けなかったから。目標が欲しかった。自分を納得させられる目標、そして確固とした目標に進むための覚悟、覚悟から生まれる没頭、そして自信。
目標
僕は松坂を目標にした。松坂よりも先にメジャーリーグに入ることを目標とした。スポーツ医学を勉強して、メジャーリーグのチームドクターになりたい。じゃあ、大学はアメリカに行って、スポーツ医学を勉強しよう。
その決断に至る葛藤の詳細は文字になる程覚えていないし、結論だけ見ると短絡的で思慮浅い。決断に用いた情報の量には限りがあったし、今振り返れば選択肢だって最善のものではないかもしれない。ただ、その時の僕に一番大事だったことは、自分で決めた決断だという自負があったこと。その自負は自分を覚悟させるには十分で、それは心地よく、それだけで次に進むことができた。
２００６年１１月
松坂がボストンに来るかもしれない、と言うニュースを聞いた。
僕は８年前に松坂を見て、アメリカに来た。時間が変わって、場所が変わって、僕が目指すものが変わって、もうメジャーリーグには入らない。でも、８年前に僕を鼓舞してくれた奴が、僕の住む街にやってくるとしたら、それは感慨深い。あまつさえ、世代が僕に追いついた、なんて言ってみたくなって、ちょっと調子に乗ったと恥かしげな気持ちになる。
僕が今ここにいて、今やっていることに至る、そして今を支えてくれている、同級生であり、家族であり、友達であり、縁があって僕に影響を与えた人達の事を思うと、それはそれは感慨深い。
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