世代が僕に追いついた

85 Comments

忘れられない夏

そもそも忘れようと思ったこともない。今まで忘れなかったからこれからも忘れないなんてナイーブに言えるくらい、それくらい大事な時間。

１９９８年８月

高校３年の夏。入会したばかりのＺ会の教材を目の前の机の上に置きながら、甲子園の野球中継を見ていた。全国大会、僕も行きたかった。５月のインターハイ県予選、７月の国体最終予選、やっぱり優勝は難しい。柔道は県で優勝しないと全国大会に行けなくて、結局僕は中高の６年間で一度も全国大会に出られなかった。それは勿論、大多数のスポーツやってる高校生はそうなんだろうけど、真剣に取り組んだ分だけは悔しく感じる資格があると思っていた。僕はとても悔しかったし、テレビの中で野球やっている同い年の奴らが羨ましかった。

同じ年の初めには市川が１７歳でフランス大会の一次メンバーになって、能代の田臥は高校三冠を取りＮＢＡに行きたいって言って、もう少し経てば棟田も鈴木とかも世界選手権で優勝するし、朝青龍だって横綱になってるし、同い年にはとにかくすごいヤツらがたくさん。野球やってる奴らは、地元の強打者古木、多分昔はピッチャーだった村田、ノーヒットノーランした杉内、上重、寺本、名前がカッコいい新垣渚、名前がそのままの藤川球児、他にも他にも、更にそいつらを全て撃破した松坂大輔。そう、松坂世代、そんな言い方されてたなあ。

甲子園。ベスト８、準決勝、松坂がカッコいい。延長１７回とか、やたらカッコいい。松坂が出ると逆転する。決勝。ノーヒットノーランで決勝戦に勝つ。最強。将来はメジャーリーグに行きたいなんて言ってやがる。説得力あるじゃんか。同い年なのに。

何かカッコ悪いなあー、僕。同い年なのに。

迷い

大学進学、どうしよう。

目標がはっきり定まらない。周りの雰囲気に流されて学部を決めてしまうことになりそうな自分を心配していた。多分、僕はその頃自分が医学部に進学するのではないかと思ってた。人を助けるのは良い事だし、やりがいのある仕事だろうし、人に喜んでもらえれば嬉しいし、だから医者になるのは悪い選択ではないって思ってた。それはそうなんだろうけど、だけど、それは自分の考えだったのか、自分の考えだと思い込んでいたのか。

また、松坂が言ってる。メジャーに行きたいって。

松坂がカッコ良かったのは、将来の目標がはっきりしていて、それに迷いがなく、さらにその目標に着実に進んでいるように見えたから。僕がカッコ悪く思えたのは、将来の目標が定まっていなくて、それ故に何も行動に移せなくて、そんな状況が情けなかったから。目標が欲しかった。自分を納得させられる目標、そして確固とした目標に進むための覚悟、覚悟から生まれる没頭、そして自信。

目標

僕は松坂を目標にした。松坂よりも先にメジャーリーグに入ることを目標とした。スポーツ医学を勉強して、メジャーリーグのチームドクターになりたい。じゃあ、大学はアメリカに行って、スポーツ医学を勉強しよう。

その決断に至る葛藤の詳細は文字になる程覚えていないし、結論だけ見ると短絡的で思慮浅い。決断に用いた情報の量には限りがあったし、今振り返れば選択肢だって最善のものではないかもしれない。ただ、その時の僕に一番大事だったことは、自分で決めた決断だという自負があったこと。その自負は自分を覚悟させるには十分で、それは心地よく、それだけで次に進むことができた。

２００６年１１月

松坂がボストンに来るかもしれない、と言うニュースを聞いた。

僕は８年前に松坂を見て、アメリカに来た。時間が変わって、場所が変わって、僕が目指すものが変わって、もうメジャーリーグには入らない。でも、８年前に僕を鼓舞してくれた奴が、僕の住む街にやってくるとしたら、それは感慨深い。あまつさえ、世代が僕に追いついた、なんて言ってみたくなって、ちょっと調子に乗ったと恥かしげな気持ちになる。

僕が今ここにいて、今やっていることに至る、そして今を支えてくれている、同級生であり、家族であり、友達であり、縁があって僕に影響を与えた人達の事を思うと、それはそれは感慨深い。

85 thoughts on “世代が僕に追いついた”

  1. つい最近、departmentのセミナーで、
    「unshakable determination」って言う言葉が出て来て、
    かっこいいじゃないか、と思いました．
    そう言うものを持ってる人は、
    野球にしろ柔道にしろ学問にしろなんにせよ、
    やっぱかっこいいわな、と．

    僕はじゃあ、そう言うもんがあるかって言うと、
    分からないですが、確かに言えることは、
    年に数回は、「俺はダメだぁーー」と言いながら
    酒を飲む夜があります．
    立ち直りは、早いですけれど．

    年が明ける前に、また飲みましょう．

  3. 最近、疲れた平凡リーマンまっしぐらだなと如実に感じ、これまでXデーとしていたものを、具体的に3/31/2008と定めてみました。Xデーのままだと未来永劫先延ばしし続けそうだったので。ついでにexcelでその日までの残り日数を出す計算式を作って、スタートアップで毎日PC起動する度に表示されるように設定。アカデミックワールドから脱落した、しがない日本のサラリーマンもまだ夢をみていますわ。がんばろう26歳。

  6. ８年前かあ。思い出すなぁ。
    そういえばそんなこといってたよなぁ。
    おれもこの８年間、流されながら、回り道しながら、
    自分を励ましながら、それでもなんとか喰らいついて生きとるよ。
    ８年かぁ。たしかに感慨深いね。

  7. かっこいいです。感動しました。
    またボストンに行ってみちなおさんに
    会って話したくなりました。

  8. この前メールでも書いた通り、運、というか何か、結局全ては納まるべき所に納まるというのが理だと思うよ。だから、却って自分みたいなデラシネはやれる所までフラフラしよう何て思ってしまう。どんなパスを通っても、到達すべき点がひとつなのだったら。しかし、ボストンで一緒に松坂の応援が出来るかどうかはエプスタイン次第、って気がして来たけれど、、、、、、

  9. たくさんコメントをくれてありがとう。

    僕が内省的なサイクルに陥る時は大体迷っているか参っているのが理由なのですが、それでも、高校、大学、大学院のそれぞれの段階で別々に出会うことができたみなさんから一声かけて頂けたということ、僕が今まで通ってきた道筋が捨てたものじゃなかったんだと思えて、何とも言えず嬉しい気持ちです。本当にありがとう。

    俊詩さん＞不動の意志、僕がたまに参っているのは、まさに自分の意志が不動でないのが理由で、そんなことを考えると１８の時からあまり成長してないなあ、と苦笑いするしかありません。お互い一段落付いたら、是非是非飲みましょう。

    Kazさん＞ありがとうございます。自信は持った気になって、打ちのめされての繰り返しですが、着実に向上していると信じてやってます。長い目で見守ってやって下さい！

    fmken＞3/31/2008はまだ僕は院生の予定です。長いなあ。僕が偉そうに言えることではないけど、自分の意志で次に進むことは本当に意義のあることだと思います。２６歳、お互い再来年くらいに転機が来るかなあ、頑張ろうーぜ。

    軍団長＞ありがとうございます。僕もコメントいただけて、涙ぐんでますよ。音読したら、僕はホントに泣いてしまいそうです。

  10. miya＞いやいや、あのかっこ悪い高校生の時と同じだよ。同窓会、来年くらいにホントにあるのかなあ。みんなの過去１０年を聞いてみたいよねえ。

    Shotaro＞そうなあ、８年前思い出すね。多分柔道部あって今の僕があるので、辞めないでいてくれたキャプテンには感謝してるぞ。それにしても長いなあ、８年。ホントに長い。今年の年末はは道場で会おうか。

    toshi＞もう多分日本戻っちゃったか。僕はまだ当分卒業しないんで、またボストンいつでも来てね。酒でも飲みながら昔話でもしよう。

    れいんまん＞僕は自分の周りに僕の８年前の意志を覚えてくれてた奴がいたことが、とても嬉しかったよん。僕も、大きな意志を持ってその時その時をしっかりやってると、行くところに行くんだろうと思うよ。松坂、来なかったら、それもまた一興だよね。

  11. 感動しました。うん、かっこいい。自分の足でちゃんと歩んで生きてこられたという証、そして勲章はブログの内容だけではなくこのコメントの濃さから（しかも男性陣8人と言う熱さ！）も証明されていますね。（女がお邪魔してスミマセン）今日はお忙しい中ありがとう。研究、がんばってね！応援しています。

  12. ayumix> 実にイカ臭いコメント欄にコメントありがとう。男子校体育会の雰囲気で僕は好きなのですが、明白に女性を遠ざけてしまいますね(笑) 確かに勲章でしょうか、そんなイカ臭さと、そのイカ臭さを共有してくれる友人と出会ってこれたことが、僕の一番の財産だと思うんで、大事にしていきたいと思います。

    先日はどうもありがとうございました。またボストンにいらっしゃる時にはご一報下さい:)

  18. My spouse and i got really more than happy when Jordan managed to do his preliminary research from the precious recommendations he was given through your web page. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be giving for free facts which the others have been selling. And we grasp we have got the website owner to be grateful to for this. All of the illustrations you made, the simple site menu, the relationships your site help to engender - it's got many wonderful, and it's really facilitating our son and our family feel that this article is cool, which is certainly pretty mandatory. Thank you for everything!

  19. I must point out my gratitude for your kindness for men and women that must have guidance on this particular matter. Your very own commitment to getting the solution throughout has been unbelievably invaluable and have all the time empowered those just like me to achieve their pursuits. Your new interesting recommendations indicates a lot a person like me and a whole lot more to my peers. With thanks; from each one of us.

  20. Thanks so much for giving everyone an extremely special chance to read articles and blog posts from this website. It's usually very pleasurable and as well , jam-packed with a lot of fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your website minimum 3 times weekly to read the fresh stuff you have. Of course, we are at all times satisfied with all the striking hints you give. Certain 4 ideas in this posting are unequivocally the most beneficial we've ever had.

  21. I'm writing to make you know what a cool encounter my child found going through your web site. She picked up numerous details, most notably what it is like to possess an incredible helping spirit to let many people very easily thoroughly grasp specified hard to do things. You actually exceeded readers' expectations. Many thanks for imparting these important, trustworthy, edifying and in addition easy tips on your topic to Kate.

  22. Thanks so much for giving everyone an exceptionally spectacular chance to read in detail from here. It really is so excellent and as well , packed with a good time for me and my office peers to search the blog particularly three times weekly to learn the new secrets you have. And definitely, I am usually fascinated with your outstanding knowledge you serve. Certain two ideas on this page are really the most impressive we have ever had.

  23. My husband and i were really contented that Albert managed to deal with his reports from your precious recommendations he came across through the web page. It's not at all simplistic to simply happen to be giving away thoughts which usually some other people could have been selling. So we consider we have got the writer to give thanks to for this. The main illustrations you made, the easy website navigation, the relationships you assist to promote - it's all remarkable, and it is letting our son in addition to us know that that issue is satisfying, which is certainly exceedingly mandatory. Thank you for all the pieces!

  24. I simply desired to thank you very much again. I am not sure the things that I would've used without these methods documented by you directly on such a area. It was an absolute horrifying dilemma in my opinion, nevertheless seeing this skilled fashion you handled that made me to jump over gladness. Now i'm happy for your service and even wish you really know what an amazing job you have been doing educating some other people using a web site. Most probably you have never come across any of us.

  25. My wife and i have been joyful when Michael managed to conclude his reports using the precious recommendations he gained in your blog. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be freely giving steps which many people could have been selling. We really do know we have you to be grateful to because of that. All of the explanations you've made, the simple web site menu, the relationships you help to engender - it is all wonderful, and it's facilitating our son and the family know that the idea is enjoyable, and that is very serious. Thanks for all!

  26. My wife and i have been now more than happy Jordan could finish off his survey from your precious recommendations he was given out of your weblog. It is now and again perplexing to just possibly be releasing instructions which usually the rest could have been selling. Therefore we discover we need the writer to give thanks to because of that. The illustrations you've made, the straightforward site navigation, the friendships your site help foster - it's many sensational, and it's aiding our son in addition to our family understand the concept is interesting, and that is extremely important. Thanks for the whole thing!

  27. I'm also writing to make you know of the fantastic encounter my wife's daughter encountered reading through yuor web blog. She learned a lot of issues, which included what it's like to possess an amazing helping heart to make most people easily understand several problematic topics. You undoubtedly did more than my expected results. Thank you for coming up with the warm and friendly, trusted, edifying not to mention easy thoughts on the topic to Sandra.

  28. My husband and i ended up being quite cheerful that Albert could carry out his analysis through your ideas he got through your web site. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be giving freely tricks which usually some others have been selling. And we take into account we have the website owner to be grateful to for this. All of the illustrations you've made, the straightforward blog menu, the friendships you can assist to create - it's most fantastic, and it's helping our son and the family consider that the topic is awesome, and that's rather vital. Thanks for the whole thing!

  29. I enjoy you because of all your valuable effort on this web page. My niece loves participating in research and it is obvious why. Most people learn all regarding the compelling mode you make rewarding secrets on this web blog and in addition cause contribution from other ones on this concept while our own daughter is really discovering a great deal. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You're the one doing a remarkable job.

  30. I have to show my thanks to the writer for rescuing me from this particular crisis. As a result of surfing throughout the search engines and finding strategies which were not helpful, I believed my entire life was over. Existing without the presence of strategies to the difficulties you have fixed by means of this posting is a crucial case, as well as the ones that could have badly affected my career if I had not noticed the blog. Your capability and kindness in dealing with a lot of stuff was vital. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't discovered such a stuff like this. It's possible to at this time look forward to my future. Thank you so much for the impressive and result oriented help. I won't be reluctant to suggest your web site to any person who needs to have care on this issue.

  31. I want to express some appreciation to you just for rescuing me from such a incident. Just after checking throughout the the net and obtaining recommendations that were not powerful, I thought my life was gone. Living without the answers to the problems you've solved by means of your main site is a serious case, and ones that might have in a negative way affected my entire career if I had not encountered your blog post. That natural talent and kindness in playing with a lot of things was vital. I don't know what I would've done if I had not come across such a stuff like this. I am able to at this moment look forward to my future. Thanks a lot very much for this reliable and result oriented guide. I will not hesitate to suggest your blog to any person who should have tips on this subject matter.

  32. Thank you so much for providing individuals with remarkably marvellous chance to check tips from this blog. It is usually so beneficial and as well , packed with fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your blog more than three times in a week to read the new tips you have got. And lastly, I'm also actually happy considering the splendid tips served by you. Some 4 ideas in this article are really the most efficient I've ever had.

  33. I happen to be writing to make you understand of the superb discovery our daughter undergone studying your web site. She mastered such a lot of pieces, with the inclusion of what it's like to possess a very effective helping spirit to let many people with ease learn about some multifaceted subject areas. You actually did more than my desires. I appreciate you for coming up with those warm and friendly, safe, informative as well as unique tips about the topic to Evelyn.

  34. I wanted to send you the little word just to give many thanks yet again for the wonderful suggestions you have discussed here. It is so strangely open-handed of people like you to make freely just what a number of people would've marketed for an electronic book in order to make some profit on their own, notably now that you might have tried it in the event you desired. These techniques in addition served to be the great way to recognize that some people have the same fervor like my very own to see a great deal more related to this condition. I am certain there are some more pleasant instances ahead for many who read carefully your site.

  35. Thank you so much for giving everyone an extremely wonderful opportunity to read in detail from here. It's always very nice and also full of a good time for me personally and my office friends to visit your web site on the least thrice in a week to find out the newest items you have. And lastly, I'm also actually astounded concerning the splendid tips and hints served by you. Selected 2 points in this posting are in truth the very best I've had.

  36. I intended to compose you one little word to be able to thank you so much the moment again for your splendid tricks you have shown on this site. This is quite extremely open-handed of you to grant easily what most of us could possibly have offered for sale for an e-book to make some money for their own end, primarily seeing that you could possibly have done it in case you wanted. The smart ideas also served as the fantastic way to be certain that most people have a similar dreams just like my personal own to figure out great deal more with reference to this matter. I am certain there are millions of more fun opportunities up front for many who scan your blog.

  37. I am also commenting to let you be aware of of the superb discovery my cousin's princess obtained checking your site. She learned a good number of issues, most notably what it is like to possess an ideal helping mindset to have other folks really easily fully understand a number of very confusing topics. You truly did more than our own desires. Thank you for churning out those valuable, safe, edifying and as well as easy tips on this topic to Emily.

  38. I am also writing to make you understand of the really good discovery my friend's princess encountered reading your webblog. She came to understand so many things, not to mention how it is like to possess a wonderful coaching mindset to have a number of people really easily master various extremely tough things. You truly did more than my expected results. Thanks for showing these good, trusted, revealing and also easy tips on this topic to Ethel.

  39. |A great looking purse can complement your outfit, but make sure it goes with whatever other bag you are carrying. If you have a briefcase, you want it to match your purse. You should also never carry around more than two types of bags.

  40. I intended to write you one little bit of observation to finally say thanks a lot as before on the awesome advice you have provided on this site. It's simply incredibly open-handed with you giving unhampered what many individuals could possibly have advertised for an e book in order to make some money for themselves, specifically seeing that you might well have done it in the event you wanted. Those principles additionally served like the easy way to be aware that some people have the same zeal like my very own to see great deal more concerning this condition. I think there are millions of more enjoyable moments ahead for people who read through your blog.

  41. Thank you so much for giving everyone such a special possiblity to read in detail from this site. It is often very brilliant and also stuffed with fun for me and my office colleagues to search the blog no less than thrice every week to find out the new things you have. And definitely, I am just certainly pleased with all the astonishing thoughts you serve. Some 4 ideas in this article are surely the most impressive I've had.

  42. I'm also commenting to make you know what a cool encounter my wife's child encountered visiting your webblog. She picked up some details, which included what it is like to possess a wonderful teaching nature to let the mediocre ones quite simply fully understand certain specialized things. You undoubtedly exceeded visitors' desires. Many thanks for producing those productive, trustworthy, edifying and easy tips on this topic to Mary.

  44. I wish to express some appreciation to the writer for bailing me out of this instance. After exploring through the internet and coming across views which were not helpful, I was thinking my life was done. Living without the presence of approaches to the issues you've resolved all through your post is a crucial case, as well as ones that might have adversely damaged my career if I hadn't come across your web blog. Your own ability and kindness in maneuvering everything was precious. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn't come across such a step like this. It's possible to at this time look forward to my future. Thanks so much for this expert and sensible guide. I will not be reluctant to suggest the sites to anyone who should get guidance about this matter.

  45. Thanks so much for giving everyone a very superb possiblity to read in detail from this site. It really is so brilliant and as well , full of fun for me personally and my office co-workers to search your site at the least 3 times weekly to see the new secrets you will have. Of course, I am always satisfied with the surprising pointers you give. Certain 3 tips in this post are honestly the most impressive I've had.

  46. I am commenting to make you know of the nice encounter my child obtained going through your blog. She noticed a wide variety of things, which included what it is like to possess a great helping heart to have others completely know just exactly some complicated topics. You undoubtedly exceeded her expected results. I appreciate you for giving the practical, healthy, educational and as well as easy tips on this topic to Janet.

  47. I needed to draft you one little bit of observation so as to give thanks the moment again for the beautiful opinions you've documented in this article. It is quite remarkably open-handed of people like you giving freely what exactly most of us would've marketed as an electronic book to end up making some profit for themselves, specifically given that you might well have tried it in the event you considered necessary. These techniques likewise worked to be a good way to fully grasp that many people have a similar desire similar to my own to learn significantly more in terms of this problem. Certainly there are numerous more pleasant occasions ahead for those who read through your site.

  48. I precisely wished to say thanks yet again. I'm not certain the things that I could possibly have sorted out in the absence of the actual information shared by you about that area. It truly was an absolute frightening problem in my position, nevertheless witnessing a new well-written form you managed that made me to jump with fulfillment. I will be happy for your support and as well , sincerely hope you really know what a powerful job you happen to be getting into educating most people with the aid of your web page. Most probably you've never got to know all of us.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.