昨晩仕事を終えて同僚の先生方と帰り支度をしている時，ひどい夕立が始まりました．カサをさしてもしょうがないくらい強い雨で外に出るのも憚られましたが，夕食の約束時間もあり，とりあえず駅の方へ向かいました．研究所の建物を出ると，学部生くらいの女の子が入り口でカサを持たず困っていたようなので「駅に行くなら一緒に行く？」と声をかけて，駅までカサに入れてあげることになりました．豪雨の中200メートルくらい歩いた頃にはずぶぬれになっていましたが，気持ちよくありがとうと言ってくれて清々しいものでした．
困っている人に協力を申し出て，結果として感謝されるというのは，私は気持ちいいものだと思っています．一方で，そういった協力を提案したり受けたりすることに対する人の感じ方は，世界共通ではない気がするのです．例えばこのようにカジュアルな協力を他人に示すことは，日本では相手によっては難しいと感じます（東京のような都市部が顕著かもしれません）．自分では裏表のないと思っている申し出であっても，とりわけ30歳前後のもっさりした男性（＝私）が，見知らぬ若い女性に親切にしようとする意思を見せることは，日本では社会的に許容されない可能性が高いと感じることがあります．
男性が女性に何らかの協力を申し出る，という誰にでも肯定されそうなケースの是非でさえ，文化的コンテクストに大きく依存してることは面白い気がします．「そんなことない，考え過ぎだ」と思う人は，例えば女性が１人で外出をしない伝統的なイスラム社会で，男性が見知らぬ女性に協力を申し出ることは許容されるのだろうか，といった類いの極端な例を考えてみると良いかもしれません（私は答えは知りません）．世の中には絶対的に正しい他人との距離感など存在せず，文化に大きく依存している，ということがわかると思います．
「他人とのかかわり合い」に関して，もう少し一般的に感じるのは，日本社会では「他人に興味を持つことを躊躇すべきである，なぜならその相手が嫌な気持ちになる可能性があるから」という，超リスク回避的な価値観があるということです．
例えば，日本で子ども連れの母親がいる場合，その赤ちゃんや子どもに向けて笑いかけたり，お母さんに対して「かわいい子ですね」と言うと相手に警戒させてしまうので気をつけた方が良いと，数人の日本人女性に指摘されたことがありました．自分も海外での生活が長くなったとはいえ，日本社会の細かいルールやニュアンスはある程度理解できるので，有り得る話だと思いました．他人を不愉快にさせるのは不本意なので，指摘を受けて以降は，誤解を招く行為を避けるようにしています．一方で，頭では理解できるのですが，そのような警戒心の高い社会は寂しいなあと感じるのも事実です．
別の例では，レストランなどでサーブする人に対して，過度なかかわり合いを避けるきらいがないでしょうか．以前帰国中に友人と居酒屋に行った際に，場を和ませようと思い，当時日本に流布していた歌謡曲の歌詞を拝借して，「わたしさくらんぼ」とサクランボのカクテルを注文する茶番がありました．そして同席した友人に，迷惑になるから店の人に絡まない方が良いよ，と後から指摘されました．必要事項だけを話せば良い，忙しい相手の邪魔をするべきではない，相手が困る「可能性」を考えろ，という友人の主張には一理あると思います．一方で，コミュニケーションにはウイットを含める，それが相手に対する敬意であり，無機質な会話は相手に失礼である，そもそも５秒程度の余分の発言が「迷惑になる」という意味がわからない，という私の主張とは，根本的な価値観が違っていると感じました．（ここでは私の発言が大して面白くないことは論点ではありません．）
とは言いつつ，最近は日本で過度に笑顔を見せたり，見知らぬ人に気軽に冗談を言ったりすることは避けるようにしています．郷に入ったら郷に従えで，その社会の人にとって平均的な心地良い距離感があるのでしょう．余談ですが，よくある旅行ブログなどで「海外のカフェの店員さん，ノリが良くて素敵」みたいな感想を散見することがあります．そして，日本のカフェの店員さんのノリが良いと思えないことは，他ならぬ日本社会の構成員が標準としている他者との距離感に原因があるのだと思います．
赤ちゃんに関心をしめしたり，レストランの店員さんと業務の本質でない会話をすることで，相手の迷惑になる「マイナスの可能性」があるのはわかります．一方で，会話の相手や周りの人が少しばかりでも和んだり，幸せを感じる「プラスの可能性」に関して，どのように評価しているのでしょうか．上記の例はどちらも身近なものですが，他のケースでも，日本は米国に比べて，マイナスの可能性が（少しでも）あるからしない，という結論になることが多いと感じていて，結果として，自分で自分を窮屈にしてしまっているような感じを受けることもあります．
こういった話は，文化に加えて，個人の性格にもよるのですし，もちろん０か１かで決まるものではないでしょう．もちろん，どちらが良い悪いという性質の話ではありません．日本より大らかでガサツに見える米国社会だって，他人に対する過度な干渉は好まれませんので，社会的に受け入れられるレベルを認識して，それに基づいて行動することは大事かと思います．ただ，他人への干渉の社会的許容度が０に近そうな社会（＝日本）は，海外から来た人に課す譲歩の度合いが大きいですし，海外に出た日本人に課される譲歩の度合いも大きくなるので，大変かもしれません．そして，それぞれの社会のルールを知らないと，相手の他意のない振る舞いを勘違いして，フレンドリーで親切な人に違いないと思うなど，混乱したり危険な判断をすることにも繋がりかねません．ですから，極端になることなく，自分の在籍する社会の「標準的な距離感」のようなもの知った上で，それが普遍的なものではないと理解して行動できると良いなあと思っています．
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