先日，日本に帰国したとき，自分のコンフォートゾーンを外れるために「東京でオシャレなことをする」というイベントを自作して，それに参加しました．オシャレな友人のアドバイスと惜しみない協力により，銀座を歩きブルガリの最上階に行き，あまつさえそこのカフェで寛いでしまう，という私１人では思い及ばないほどの大冒険が行われたのです．ブルガリと言えば，７年前にブリガリアのソフィアで偶然見かけて，「ブルガリアのブルガリや！」というダジャレを言うために写真を撮って以来になるでしょうか．
ブルガリのカフェでは，ドトールの紅茶が20杯くらい飲める怒濤の価格のアフタヌーンティーセットを注文する壁に立ち向かいました．自分の昔話になりますが，私は小さな頃，終戦直後から祖父と小さな屋台を引いて事業を立ち上げたという祖母に「贅沢したらいかんよ」と言われて育ちました．だからでしょうか，ある程度年齢を重ねた今でも，場所，雰囲気，サービスという付加価値に莫大な対価を支払うことが，「贅沢」に思えてしまい，未だにその贅沢を自分がすることに対する心理的抵抗があります．おそらく金額の問題に加えて，美意識，価値観などに根ざした問題なのでしょう．いずれにしても，せっかくの機会でしたので，自分の壁を打ち破る努力をしたのですが，アフタヌーンの「ア」が喉まで出かけて舌の位置が本能的に変化してしまい「エ」ビスビールに注文が変わってしまいました．a と e の中間のあいまい母音を多用するアメリカ英語が話せて助かった瞬間です．次回はもう一歩自分のコンフォートゾーンを離れられるように頑張ります．
ところで，写真はそのオシャレツアーの道中で入った明治製菓の本社の横にあったお店で買ったチョコレートです．その時は意識せずに買ったのですが，アメリカに戻ってよくよく見てみると，サントメ・プリンシペのものということです．サントメ・プリンシペ共和国は，世界の最も人が訪れない国ランキングで堂々の８位ということで，私はまだ訪れたことはありませんが，小さな島国です．もともとは名前すら知らない国だったのですが，以前アフリカで仕事をしている先輩からチョコレートが美味しいことを伺って以来ずっと記憶に残っていて，今日このチョコレートのパッケージを見てふと思い出したのでした．東京でオシャレなことをしようとしたにも関わらず，回り回って世界で８番目の目立たない国を思い出すことになったのは，私のオシャレさの限界を示唆しているのでしょう．でも，こんな些細なことですが，世界が繋がってるのだな，というのが面白いところでした．
同時に気付いたのは，オシャレと場末には臨界点（critical point）が存在するということです．「オシャレと場末の臨界点」とは数分前に思いついたばかりの概念で洗練されていませんが，「オシャレ」と「場末」 1 の区別が失われる点（そしてそれを可能にする経験とか精神状態）を指すとしましょう． 2 世の中の人は，それぞれ自分の持っている世界観のようなものがあると思うのですが，私は（そしておそらく私に限らず）世の中の色んなことに繋がりを見い出したいと思っています．全く異なるように見えること（例えば物事の「オシャレ」と「場末」な両側面）の関連を見い出せる経験や精神状態に達したら，それを「臨界点を超えた」と言うことにします．抽象的概念においてはアウフヘーベン，あるいは具体的事象においては鋭い大局観を持てている状況，とも言えるでしょうか．
ところで自分について言えば，研究活動の意味を世界規模の文脈で考える時にダブルスタンダードになりがちです．「例えば研究って誰のためのもの？」という問いを考える際に，先進国で豊かな暮らしを享受しながら，お金を使った恵まれた研究をできる自由は手放したくない一方で，同時に後ろめたさみたいな感情があるのもウソではなくて，どうやってこれらの感情に折り合いを付けるのか，長らく全くわかっていないところです．（先進国と発展途上国という文脈に限らず，研究においても「これってこのように役に立つんですよ」という大義名分と現実の乖離のようなものに対する後ろめたさが常に存在します．） そして悲観的ではあるのだけど「こう言ったことを考えたことはある，気にかけている」という事実をもって，後ろめたさが襲ってきたときにそれを和らげる心の準備をどこかでしながら，本質的なことに働きかけられず生涯を終えてしまうのかもしれません．まるでミスチルの「彩り」の歌詞のようです．（関連した話で，科学技術は誰のためのものか，どのようにお金を使い，どう発展させるべきなのか，という議論について，私が以前お世話になった教授が書いたエッセーがこちらです．考えるきっかけになると思います．）
臨界点の話に戻りますが，人によっては，このようなチョコレートを見て，フェアトレードという観点から見て公平なのだろうか，と考えが及ぶのかもしれませんし，サントメ・プリンシペの実際のカカオ農場の友人の顔が思い浮かぶかもしれません．チョコレート工場のラインが思い浮かぶ人も入れば，包装紙の印刷屋のオヤジさんの事業が大変だと思うかもしれません．これはおそらく「大局観」とか「俯瞰力」とか言った言葉でこの何十年 3 も言われてることの焼き回しなのでしょうが，一事象を見ても，その多面性に思いが及んで，臨界点を超えて思いやりが持てればと思います．そしてそのためには自分の足で様々な場所に行って，様々な人と直接話す，くらいのことしか未だに思い浮かびませんが，まずはそれを継続できればと思います．他にはどうしたら良いのでしょうか．
最初の話に戻りますが，ブルガリのカフェはオシャレでした．隣では日曜なのにスーツを着た立派な風貌のオッサンが，我々には手の届かなかった紅茶セットを軽々と注文していましたし，優雅な東京の景色が広がる窓のそばでは丸の内OLによる華やかな女子会が行なわれていました．私にはキラキラとまぶし過ぎて，現地で amazon からサングラスを購入しようかと思ったくらいです．また，明治のチョコレート屋さんも素敵でした．これらの場所も世界の多面性の１つであることは間違いありません．まだ苦手意識は払拭できていませんが，苦手に挑む修行は自分の世界を広げるはずですので，機会を見つけてまた行きたいと思っています．色々と教えて下さい！
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