博士課程の話の続き

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前回書いた文章は思いがけず多くの人に読んでもらったみたいです。普段は場末の個人ブログなので驚きました。ありがとうございました。

読み返したら何とも長い文章でしたが「教育の目的」という大きな話をしたので、少し地に足がついていない感じもありました。前回の続きを少し書きますが、博士課程のときの自分の心理状態の変化について書くことで、どうして博士課程が自分に良いトレーニングだったか説明したいと思います。基本的には前回と全く同じ主張をしたいのですが、前回をトップダウン的な説明とすれば、今回はボトムアップ的な説明と言えるかもしれません。「本当に正しいことは複数の説明の方法がある」みたいな名言があった気もするので、冗長なのはお許しいただき、興味があればお付き合い下さい。

私は理学系の博士課程にいたのですが、博士課程の大部分では技術的なことを学びました。技術的なこと、というのは自分の専門に関連した知識とか、実験技術などです。特定の専門分野で新しいものを生み出すのが、博士号の条件です。ですから過去にどんな知識の積み重ねがあり、どんな研究がなされてきたかを知っていることが重要です。その上で、自分がやったことが過去の事例とどのように違ってて、どんな意味・価値があるのかを説明できる必要があります。そういう説明ができるためには、特定の分野での知識は前提です。こういった話は大学院にいる人には知られたことなので、前回の文章では知識を学ぶこと自体の必要性はことさら強調しませんでした。念を押して言いますと、知識はもちろん大事なことです。「答えのない問題を考えることが大事」みたいな主張は一理ありますが、考えることは、知識を獲得することの対立軸ではありません。（日本では、詰め込みではなく考える力を、みたいな言説が多いですが、その２つはどちらも伸ばすものだと思います。）学術研究をしたいなら知識が足りない状態で考えるのは非効率ですし、博士課程に入ったばかりの普通の人はガリ勉の詰め込み教育がスタート地点です。過去の知識の積み重ねがなければ、何が重要で新しいか知ることも難しいです。

私が先回の文章で長々と書いたのは、 博士課程の間に自分が学んだ「物事の考え方」や「物事に取り組む姿勢」とも言えます。それは学問分野や仕事内容に関わらず、応用できるものだと思います。さらに言えば、それは学問や仕事をするかにも関わらず、もっと広くて、日々を生きることにも応用できると思いました。外的な価値に翻弄されているか、内的な価値が定まっているかという違いです。他人が興味を持った課題に取り組むか、自分が興味を持った課題に取り組むかの違いです。大学院に入りたての頃は前者の考え方をしていて、途中で変化があって、卒業する頃には後者の考え方に近くなりました。その変化の過程は苦しいのですが、一度後者寄りの考え方ができるようになると、前者よりもずっと楽だと思いました。

私は博士課程ではアメリカに留学していました。アメリカの博士課程は 5 年から 7 年の長丁場です。最初の数年は授業が難しいのもありますが、それより「自分で課題設定をして、その重要さを説明する」ことが難しいと思いました。自分で課題を考えるのが大変だし、自分の考えた課題が正しいかなんてわからないので、すでにやられていることのコピーをしたいと思っていました。正直なところ、自分で課題を見つけろなんて言われても、何からどうすれば良いのかわからないのです。俺って頭悪いな、つまんないことしか選べていないな、人生つまんねーな、と毎日のように思っていました。

いつだったか日本人の先輩との雑談で「そういうクサった時期も込みでの 7 年じゃないの」と話したのを覚えています。振り返れば全くその通りだし、今ならくすぶっている後輩に同じようなアドバイスをすると思います 1。でも当時は心中穏やかではありませんでした。

留学中の友人の中には、私が全く解法を思い付かないような数学の問題を見て、一瞬で解法を思いつくような「賢い人」がたくさんいました。こういう人と競争すると、同じ問題を解けば、彼らの方が「デキる」のは間違いありません。これは前述の言葉を使えば、同じ問題を解く速さと言う「外的な価値」を尺度として用いています。こういう人とその尺度で勝負したら、人生がいくつあっても足りません。ところで、研究生活では「その問題が自分にとって重要か」というところから考えます。たまたまテストに出てた難しい数学の問題が自分にとって重要な問題であることは実は少ないのですが、じゃあ何が自分にとって重要な（面白い、興味を持てる、でも良いです）問題なのでしょうか。そこがスタート地点で、賢い人はその人の課題と意義を見つけ、私は私の課題と意義を見つけるのが第一歩です。前述の言葉を使えば、賢い人も私も、それぞれの「内的な価値」を探すことになります。こういう「自分の問題を探すこと」は、誰にとっても同じように難しいのです。これは文字で書くと何てことないのですが、最初に自分で気付いたときには、とても面白いことだと思いました。そして、自分よりずっと賢い人も苦労しているのを見て「ああ、そういうものなんだな」と思いました。

とはいえ、人生はマンガではありませんので、一瞬で自分の心境が変わるような転機に遭遇して、それから急に上手くいくような話はありません。自分の場合は、一進一退を繰り返し、くすぶった毎日と、たまに週末のやけ酒を重ねました。少しずつですが、外的な価値から内的な価値へ軸足がうつってきたのが、私の地味でさえない博士課程でした。そして、地味でさえない博士課程でしたが、やって良かったと思います。

ゆっくりではあるけど、そのような変化が起こった理由がなんだろうかと考えると、やはり研究の中で「自分のやってることは何故重要で、何故意味があるか」みたいな禅問答を繰り返し行ったからだと思います。さらに、最終的に自分のやってることが大事である、というのが自分の意見になったからだと思います。一般的な意見と自分の意見は，仮に内容は同じであっても，自分にとっては明確に違うものだから，それをごまかさないのは重要なことでした。

この変化を経たことが私にとって「博士課程で学んで、人生に（最も）役立っていること」です。専門知識、技術的なノウハウ、論文発表、博士号自体などは、もちろん全て実利的なメリットがありましたし、微力ながら人類の知の積み重ねに貢献できた喜びもあります。でも、もし自分が博士課程をやって一番良かったことを挙げるなら、このように自分の価値の基準が変わったことを挙げるでしょう。周りと比べながら「自分の考えはつまんない」と思ってたのが「自分の考えが面白いと思う理由は、自分が決めていい」と変われるなんて、何てポジティブな心境の変化ではないでしょうか？

また長くなってしまったけど、まとめると、自分の価値の基準を得て、それを表明することや、批判されることを恐れなくなったのが博士課程であり、その点をすごく良かったと考えています。とはいえ、博士課程は万人受けするトレーニングではないのも確かです。自分の経験はサンプル数 1 の話なので、博士課程経験者も、博士課程なんて見向きもしない人も、それぞれの人の人生に即した心境変化のきっかけがあると思います。学生を指導する立場になった今、自分の学生が考え方の変化を必要とするなら、それを促すサポートをしたいし、それが自分の役割だとも思います。（特に博士課程の学生にとって、研究テーマが上から降ってきたのではなく、自分でそれを見つけたと思えることは、必要な意識の変化でもあります。）私は自分の経験から、研究活動が意識の変化のきっかけになり得ると思っていますが、世の中の人にはどんなことがきっかけになり得るのか、興味があるところです。

Notes:

  1. 誰が読んでるか知りませんが、頑張って下さい。そういう時期はいずれ乗り越えられます。 ↩

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